Author: NGN93

I just graduated college. Trying to start my life. Post grad depression is real right now. I want to explore life and experience new things ( I think).

There’s a Story in Her Eyes

Photos are amazing to have.  Everyone knows the saying, a picture is worth a thousand words. I have recently been going through some old pictures of me and my friends from college and I can’t help but notice the eyes.  This might sound vain but I take special notice at my eyes.  I look at certain pictures and can remember all the moments that led up to that picture and that followed after that picture and how I felt during all of those moments.

There is this one photo of all of the girls I was living with.  We had returned from summer and it was our first weekend out.  We all looked so happy.  In every single one of my friends’ eyes I could see the genuine happiness in their eyes.  It is as if all of our smiles were so large that the corners of our lips were able to touch our eyes and make them pop that much more. It is one of the pictures we all have that make me smile to this day because we all look so genuinely happy.

The eyes are so expressive. The mouth could be saying one thing while the eyes are saying something else.  I always trust the eyes, as many others do. There are some photos where my smile reaches my eyes and I remember being genuinely happy.  Then there are other photos where my smile does not reach my eyes.  My smile stops at my cheeks and my eyes are not as bright. I can look back at those photos and remember why I was not genuinely happy during that moment in my life. It can ruin the picture, but then I remind myself that whatever that moment was, I overcame it, moved on from it, and became the person I am today, typing this blog.

It’s wonderful to be genuinely happy all the time, but without the bumps and hills and cliffs in the road, then I wouldn’t have a story to tell, I wouldn’t have learned what I have learned today, and most importantly I wouldn’t be who I am today without the bumps and hills and cliffs (especially the cliffs) in my road.

All in all what I have learned to this day from looking back at photos is I can not depend on other people for my happiness and my confidence.  Those two emotions have to purely come from me and it is something I have to work on everyday and I know I am not alone in that journey.

Happiness does come at a cost, and if that cost is my journey in life, then I will take it and never look back.

A College Graduate Named Desire

I had an interesting talk with my mom today when we were on out way to the grocery store (yes, I still love going food shopping with my mom, it’s our thing and will always be our thing). She gave me some good advice, like she always does.  Her advice was to follow my desire.  Then I got to thinking about the word desire, which means a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen. I don’t know why but that word, desire, stood out to me.

My mom has been wonderful through out this whole growing up experience.  She supported and guided as best she could during my college years.  When I started college four years ago, I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to study but my options were limited because my college had limited options. I ended up declaring my major during my freshman year and never looked back.  I declared English with a concentration in Creative Writing.  Why? What can I do with that? Do I want to teach?

Well, to start I declared English because I love to read, to analyze, and to write. Thats basically all you do as an English major and I loved it.  My college has a great English department with amazing and accomplished professors.  These professors demonstrated how much you can do with a passion for writing and reading.  I can do anything I want with my degree because I believe I have a good foundation to grow from.  For the third question, my grandmother taught and my dad taught, but I don’t think I have the teacher’s gene in me, but anything is possible…

Now, here I am at home with one job rejection under my belt and I still don’t regret my decision.  Why?  Because of the wise words of my mom.  She told me to study something I enjoy.  She also said with whatever I chose to do in life, as long as I like what I am doing then I will be happy in my life. She is a firm believer in money does not buy happiness.  She told me that no amount of money will make me like a job that I hate doing and that isn’t a desire of mine.  She said if I chose something I desired, then I would prosper and I did in college.

Now she is saying I will still prosper but it’s going to take time to grow another level onto my foundation.

My desire is to write, to communicate, and to touch people with my words. It is something that stood out strongly in my college’s English department, words are powerful and words can make a difference.

My desire is to write.  What is yours?

Endless Possibilities Available Now or Later

Last night I talked about how post graduation life is not as glamorous as some of us are led to believe, especially how much I was led to believe.

But tonight I want to discuss how there are endless possibilities. I know I am contradicting myself a bit but let me explain.  In our society, we have this pressure to lead a certain kind of life, whether it is a lawyer, doctor, teacher, nurse, fireman, police man, EMT, groom (horse world job), horse trainer, personal body trainer, accountant, sales representative, or owning your own business, the list goes on.  We have a pressure to find our careers right now, but we don’t realize that we don’t have to do everything in such a hurry.

In this day and age we have people living until they are 98 years old.  Do you know how many different lives we can have during one lifetime? I’m no math genius or scientist, but I’d like to believe that we can have many different lives in our one shot on this magical world. For instance, my grandfather was a wonderful man.  He was a US Navy veteran of World War II, he graduated from MIT in 1949 receiving a degree in mechanical engineering, and then he climbed the ladder at Alogonquin Gas Transmission Company started as a summer construction worker and ended up retiring as the Chairman, President, and Chief Executive. But he didn’t stop there…he continued his life being an amazing caregiver.  He took care of my grandmother, his children, and his grandchildren by being supportive with everyones’ life decisions. He actually is memorialized at a near by Bj’s because of the amount of shopping and food delivering her would do during the economic struggles. Needless to say, he was an extremely hard working individual and lived life to the fullest, and my point is that he did not just fall into he mold and live and die as one title, he lived about three to four different lives in his one lifetime and he didn’t do all of this in one breath. Everything he accomplished took time, loads of time and dedication and hard work.  It is something to be admired for and it is something I admire so much.  Sometimes, I don’t realize how wonderful of a man he was and that’s not right because there is so much I can learn from the people around me.

Yes, life is hard and some have it better than others and some have it worse than others.  And I am aware that I have it better than others and I am thankful and appreciative for that.  So, maybe I am a little biased in saying this, but life has so much to offer.  Individuals tend to get wrapped up in the newest gadget, I’m guilty of that, and don’t see the bigger picture. The bigger picture is that life is a gift.  There are endless possibilities out there (and some of them aren’t career related or money driven).

Life (easy or hard) isn’t going anywhere.  Life is happening everyday and there is no slowing life down. We don’t have to do everything all the time. So don’t be afraid to take time to breath, to relax, and to work on yourself because no one can live a life if he or she isn’t living life his or her self.

Post Grad Fun (?)

So, I graduated from college in May…it’s now August with barely any money and no job acceptance in sight.  Why was I in such a rush to be an adult?

I’m not living the fabulous adult life.  I am living at home with my gracious parents. Sleeping in the same room where with the same shade of pink I picked out in 1999, that reminds me of a baby nursery.  Why did I like this color as a kid? I did some rearranging of furniture to give my room an “adult” makeover, which is a little helpful but not the improvements I was looking for.

I don’t have the fabulous adult career.  I have had one job interview, which ended with rejection.  Let’s just say that was a set back. But don’t worry I have been answering the “so what are you going to do now” question.  And my answer is always the same: Well I’ve been taking classes and riding horses practically my whole life, so I don’t know what I want to do with my life.  But I am 22 and some people consider that “young.”

So, with one rejection already notched into my belt, I started what I consider to be a job search.  Fun fact: every low level, entry level job, requires experience.  At least one year experience, maybe two or more.  Fabulous. How was I suppose to know exactly what I wanted to do while I was in school? All I really thought about was school, friends, boys (of course boys, especially this one boy…but that’s another blog), and horses (yes, I am an equestrian, horse loving female that would rather ride horses during my free time while I was in high school than actually having a social life, but we all make our sacrifices).  So, the next question would be: Why not do something with horses?  That’s a marvelous question and I wish I felt differently than I do. But  I don’t think I want to work in the “Horse World” my whole life, emphasis on the *whole*.  I have been riding horses since I was 8, I have sacrificed a lot for the amazing opportunities I was lucky and blessed to have by my supportive parents, but I like horses as my hobby, my outlet for when the world can be so mean, I’m not so wild about it being my job because I am afraid I might end up resenting it. It’s a great world and I love it, but I don’t know if that’s what I want my life to be.

I like meeting new people.  I like going out.  I like getting dressed in normal clothes instead of my breeches and t-shirts.  I know people in the horse world like the same things and find a balance, but I don’t know if I want to balance the two anymore.

Basically the rant is to demonstrate how much I don’t know.  Been going to school since I was like 3 or 4 and I still don’t know what I want to do. When I was younger I always thought I knew what I wanted to do: be an actress, be an olympic rider, to be a journalist, to be an editor. Now? I don’t what I want to be. I’m 22, I got time (I think) ((I hope)).

So, please join me and watch my changes with the changes going on in the world.  I feel like this is going to be a year of changes…how fabulous!

No Such Thing as Bad Publicity

Some say there is no such thing as bad publicity.  Others say no publicity is bad publicity.  What about those who have been watched under the microscope and was discovered to be a sex addict?  Well in Tiger Woods’ case, there is such a thing a bad publicity, “But for those whose prominence is rooted in the older tradition of justly earned renown — the truly gifted, the authentically accomplished — publicity is as likely to diminish as exalt.”


One celebrity comes to mind when I think of bad PR planning and that is Tiger Woods.  In my opinion, the entire scandal was handled poorly.  His whole team should have been on top of this from the beginning to the end, but instead his team continued to let bombs drop instead of trying to save his client.   


What started everything was the car accident in November; “US gossip websites begin speculating that the incident may be connected to reports earlier in the week in the National Enquirer alleging an affair with New York nightclub hostess Rachel Uchitel.”  From day one, gossip magazines should not have been access to this kind of information.  If insiders of Woods’ team knew about his affairs then they should have created a contract signing over their silence. 


There was another similar incident where another one of his mistress’s came out about being involved with Woods, “US Weekly runs an interview with waitress Jaimee Grubbs, who claims she had a two-and-a-half-year affair with the golfer.”  Once again, there should have been some PR representative there to make sure his image remained untouched.


Overall, his PR people should have more on top of his extra curricular activities.  There should have been a PR person ready with a statement every time more information was announced.  Personally, there should be a way to have information go to the subject of the matter before being release.  That should be a part of the PR team.  In the end, his reputation is ruined.  There is no turning back and no going back to the way things use to be.  His reputation was trashed when he hit the trash.





A Moment of Quiet

Going a day without social media is easier said then done.  The definition of social media is “forms of electronic communication (as Web sites for social networking and microblogging) through which users create online communities to share information, ideas, personal messages, and other content (as videos).”Due to the growing amount of technology, going on social media sites is like breathing to the younger generations. In people are some cases, developing anxiety when they are not able to check the sites.  This causes concerns for families because many students are not able to concentrate in classes without checking statues, text messages, or pokes.


I spent a day without social media and I struggled.  In the beginning of the day I thought it would be easy, but as the day continued and I kept seeing my friends check their phones and computers, only wanted me to check mine even more.  A day without social media changed my life because it made me realize that it is all right to not be connected to everything and everyone all the time.  I felt better about myself because I was able to have a better concentration on the school day and a better concentration on my conversations with my friends.


Life without social media would be wonderful.  People would not be just connected to their technology but they would connect to the human beings.  Personally, I think society has been missing out on the beauties of human connections because we are always on our phones or computers.  Due to some research, I am not the only one that thinks this, “More and more people are stepping away from the technological realm and de-teching.”


An advantage of social media is being able to keep long distant “friendships.”  I put quotations over the word friendship because my confusion is, is it really a friendship if it is only on technology?  Another advantage is it is easy for businesses to grow and reach out to multiple people in a short amount of time, “Provides an opportunity to widen business contacts.”


Overall, there are always pros and cons to everything in life.  At the end of the day, I enjoyed having a day without social media and would be glad to do it again.  There are enough advantages for me to understand why we have social media and why, in some cases, we need it.  There are also some disadvantages that make me wish Facebook was never invented.  In the end, the world will continue to grow and change, so I might as well adapt to my surroundings.