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“Closure is a luxury many don’t get to experience.” One of my wisest and best friends told me that recently.

Like so many other women, I have had a few relationship-type experiences with the boys of my past.  I say relationship-type because none of them were official, none of them were exclusive, and none of them were able to give me closure.

Closure: the act or process of closing something.

In this case, I am talking about the process of moving on from a person I care for. A person I developed stronger feelings for than I originally intended because I knew from the beginning that this boy was no good. This boy was not the boy that would treat me well.  This boy was not the boy that would care for me the way I would like to be cared for.

Why is ending something so hard?

Instead, he is the boy that plays too many games.  He is the boy that has too many side girls.  He is the boy that would rather dance around anything real for the sake of a casual hookup.

Casual hookup: A single act involving sexual intimacy; a supposed “liberating experience.”

There is nothing casual about casual hookups.  Casual alludes to something that is relaxing. Hooking up alludes to intimacy without the comfort of security. Intimacy without commitment…Well, for me intimacy is not casual. Intimacy is a moment that is profoundly personal. I need and want that security of being with someone that really wants to be there. I need and want that commitment from my partner. If a guy cant give that to me, then I cant give him a “casual hookup.”

I agree that for some women it is a liberating experience, and in theory, it is. For the women out there that can find casual hookups liberating, I salute you. For me, I guess it’s not something I want

Want: to have a desire to possess.

There is a difference between want and need. I want something more than a casual hookup.

I like to think that I am an independent woman.  I don’t need a man to make me happy.  No woman needs a man. What it is really about is wanting somebody.  Is wanting to not end up alone right?

I thought I wanted him, but now I see I’ve dodged a major bullet. So, what do I want now? I want answers to my questions. I want an explanation as to what happened. I thought things were working between us and then I saw you the next night with a new girl. I just want to put this to bed and to close the door.

I want closure.

A Letter to Mom from a College Student

I love this!

sincerely, felicia


Mom, Mother, Mommy, Mum…
Right now, I am not a bedroom 10 feet from yours. I am not under your roof, I am not eating your food… right now, I am at college.
My days consist of class, and homework, and then mostly lying in bed watching Netflix (a sight I know you hate to see). I have meetings for clubs to attend, tests to study for, and friends to goof off with. It may not always sound it but I am pretty busy.
When you call and I don’t answer, I am having a dance session singing my lungs out to music with my friends. When I see that I missed call from you, I feel pretty bad I missed it and I promise the first chance I get to call back I always do.
When I am up late at night sitting in bed talking with my roommates…

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There’s a Story in Her Eyes

Photos are amazing to have.  Everyone knows the saying, a picture is worth a thousand words. I have recently been going through some old pictures of me and my friends from college and I can’t help but notice the eyes.  This might sound vain but I take special notice at my eyes.  I look at certain pictures and can remember all the moments that led up to that picture and that followed after that picture and how I felt during all of those moments.

There is this one photo of all of the girls I was living with.  We had returned from summer and it was our first weekend out.  We all looked so happy.  In every single one of my friends’ eyes I could see the genuine happiness in their eyes.  It is as if all of our smiles were so large that the corners of our lips were able to touch our eyes and make them pop that much more. It is one of the pictures we all have that make me smile to this day because we all look so genuinely happy.

The eyes are so expressive. The mouth could be saying one thing while the eyes are saying something else.  I always trust the eyes, as many others do. There are some photos where my smile reaches my eyes and I remember being genuinely happy.  Then there are other photos where my smile does not reach my eyes.  My smile stops at my cheeks and my eyes are not as bright. I can look back at those photos and remember why I was not genuinely happy during that moment in my life. It can ruin the picture, but then I remind myself that whatever that moment was, I overcame it, moved on from it, and became the person I am today, typing this blog.

It’s wonderful to be genuinely happy all the time, but without the bumps and hills and cliffs in the road, then I wouldn’t have a story to tell, I wouldn’t have learned what I have learned today, and most importantly I wouldn’t be who I am today without the bumps and hills and cliffs (especially the cliffs) in my road.

All in all what I have learned to this day from looking back at photos is I can not depend on other people for my happiness and my confidence.  Those two emotions have to purely come from me and it is something I have to work on everyday and I know I am not alone in that journey.

Happiness does come at a cost, and if that cost is my journey in life, then I will take it and never look back.

No Such Thing as Bad Publicity

Some say there is no such thing as bad publicity.  Others say no publicity is bad publicity.  What about those who have been watched under the microscope and was discovered to be a sex addict?  Well in Tiger Woods’ case, there is such a thing a bad publicity, “But for those whose prominence is rooted in the older tradition of justly earned renown — the truly gifted, the authentically accomplished — publicity is as likely to diminish as exalt.”


One celebrity comes to mind when I think of bad PR planning and that is Tiger Woods.  In my opinion, the entire scandal was handled poorly.  His whole team should have been on top of this from the beginning to the end, but instead his team continued to let bombs drop instead of trying to save his client.   


What started everything was the car accident in November; “US gossip websites begin speculating that the incident may be connected to reports earlier in the week in the National Enquirer alleging an affair with New York nightclub hostess Rachel Uchitel.”  From day one, gossip magazines should not have been access to this kind of information.  If insiders of Woods’ team knew about his affairs then they should have created a contract signing over their silence. 


There was another similar incident where another one of his mistress’s came out about being involved with Woods, “US Weekly runs an interview with waitress Jaimee Grubbs, who claims she had a two-and-a-half-year affair with the golfer.”  Once again, there should have been some PR representative there to make sure his image remained untouched.


Overall, his PR people should have more on top of his extra curricular activities.  There should have been a PR person ready with a statement every time more information was announced.  Personally, there should be a way to have information go to the subject of the matter before being release.  That should be a part of the PR team.  In the end, his reputation is ruined.  There is no turning back and no going back to the way things use to be.  His reputation was trashed when he hit the trash.





A Moment of Quiet

Going a day without social media is easier said then done.  The definition of social media is “forms of electronic communication (as Web sites for social networking and microblogging) through which users create online communities to share information, ideas, personal messages, and other content (as videos).”Due to the growing amount of technology, going on social media sites is like breathing to the younger generations. In people are some cases, developing anxiety when they are not able to check the sites.  This causes concerns for families because many students are not able to concentrate in classes without checking statues, text messages, or pokes.


I spent a day without social media and I struggled.  In the beginning of the day I thought it would be easy, but as the day continued and I kept seeing my friends check their phones and computers, only wanted me to check mine even more.  A day without social media changed my life because it made me realize that it is all right to not be connected to everything and everyone all the time.  I felt better about myself because I was able to have a better concentration on the school day and a better concentration on my conversations with my friends.


Life without social media would be wonderful.  People would not be just connected to their technology but they would connect to the human beings.  Personally, I think society has been missing out on the beauties of human connections because we are always on our phones or computers.  Due to some research, I am not the only one that thinks this, “More and more people are stepping away from the technological realm and de-teching.”


An advantage of social media is being able to keep long distant “friendships.”  I put quotations over the word friendship because my confusion is, is it really a friendship if it is only on technology?  Another advantage is it is easy for businesses to grow and reach out to multiple people in a short amount of time, “Provides an opportunity to widen business contacts.”


Overall, there are always pros and cons to everything in life.  At the end of the day, I enjoyed having a day without social media and would be glad to do it again.  There are enough advantages for me to understand why we have social media and why, in some cases, we need it.  There are also some disadvantages that make me wish Facebook was never invented.  In the end, the world will continue to grow and change, so I might as well adapt to my surroundings.